ABC Declines to Renew Whoopi Goldberg’s Contract: “It’s Time to Move On”

They didn’t fire her. They didn’t cancel her. They didn’t even cancel her show. What ABC did instead, to deal with its neverending Whoopi Goldberg problem, was to simply decline to re-sign her to a new contract. The move will cost Goldberg her lead on a popular show and upwards of $36 million per year in salary and endorsements.

“It’s time to move on,” said Programming Director Joe Barron, “she had a good run..” Barron said the network is constantly inundated with complaints from people who don’t like Goldberg. “Most of them can’t explain why, but it’s their right not to,” he commented.

Goldberg’s manager, Art Tubolls, says the negotiations are far from over and that he expects ABC to offer his client a new contract through 2029. “She is the show,” he said, “who’s gonna run it, Joy Behar? She doesn’t have the star power to do what Whoopi does.”

Barron says Behar isn’t the only option, as freeing up all that cash could net the show two new hosts. “I’ll bet we could get both Alyssa Milano and Kathy Griffin for half of that,” he chuckled. Alyssa Milano ignored our request for comment. Again.

Dear person reviewing this for Adsense for the millionth time: This post is satire. There is nothing dangerous or derogatory about it. Thanks for stopping by.

Related Posts

The BIBLE says the age difference between couples is a… See more

For our benefit, He was made to bear sin (cf. 2 Cor 5:21), leading the Father to place upon His Son the burden of our transgressions. In…

Howie Mandel opens up on his condition

The Little Boy In This Photo Is Now The Most Famous Man

Although the young boy in this picture is now among the most well-known individuals on the planet, very few people are aware of him. The picture appears…

I Noticed Things Disappearing from My Sick Mother’s House, so I Installed Hidden Cameras and What I Saw Shocked Me — Story of the Day

Taking care of Mom was hard enough without the tension with my sister. Accusations flew when precious things started disappearing. I thought I knew who was to…

Supreme Court News Could Be ‘Game Over’ for Democrats: CNN

Afederal appellate court declined to stay a lower court’s rulings in a case challenging the Trump administration’s authority to deport Venezuelan nationals under a 1798 wartime statute….

A Woman’s Large Breasts Indicate That Her Vagin…See more

If when you make love, your partner DOESN’T KISS YOU it’s because… This image is a digital painting or stylized artwork depicting a couple sharing an intimate…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *