ABC asked the hosts of The View to cross the picket lines and return to work. “They don’t write any material and they’re not technically actors,” said Program Director Joe Barron, “we didn’t think it was an unreasonable request.”

The choice was obvious when they refused: the show would have to be canceled. “It has terrible ratings and attracts too many lawsuits anyway,” said Barron, “we’ve been keeping it on the air for a niche crowd of leftists.”

Without a plan for this fall yet, ABC isn’t sure what they’ll put in that covered 11 AM time slot. “It won’t be another show people hate more often than not,” said Barron, “Whoopi has really changed over the years.”

A recent fan poll said they overwhelmingly believe Whoopi should retire.

We sent ALLOD Correspondent Cynthia Luhu to get a statement from Whoopi Goldberg, since she’s not listed on the restraining order. “I’m not talking to you,” she told Luhu, “And you can tell that Blair guy that no matter how hard he tries, we’re not having him on the fucking show.”

Luhu reports back that the show is actually still going strong and hasn’t been affected by either strike. “This seems like just another reason to put ‘The View Canceled’ in a headline, sadly,” said Luhu with a British accent for some reason, “Season 27 is already a go.”

It’s a good thing we ended up getting to the bottom of that, patriots. We’d change the headline but it wouldn’t get as many clicks. God Bless America.