A White man married a Black woman when she got pregnant with their first child, but when the boy was born, he was darker than his mother and had his father doubting his paternity. Social media users called him out for getting a paternity test behind his wife’s back.
On May 9, 2020, a 29-year-old White man took to Reddit, asking for advice about a touchy situation he’d gotten himself into. He explained how he was married to a 30-year-old Black woman whom he had two young children with.
His son was five, while their daughter was three when he wrote his query. The man questioned his son’s paternity because the boy was much darker than his mother and looked nothing like his father.
After listening to those close to him about the child not being his, he decided to get a paternity test behind his wife’s back, only for that to backfire. Here’s the full story of what led the man to Reddit.
Why a White Father Ended Up Getting a Paternity Test for His Only Son
The White man started his Reddit post by revealing that he’d shared his story in the Relationship Advice community before it was removed because it belonged in the Am I The [expletive] (AITA) section. He explained that he had two children — a son and a daughter.
The poster said his Black wife became pregnant with their son early in their one-year relationship, and they tied the knot because of that. Luckily, the couple was quite happy in the marriage, and although he accepted their son as his when he was born, the man noticed how the boy hardly resembled him, adding:
“He is noticeably darker than my wife.”
The man complained that his son didn’t look half-White and that his friends and family had asked if he was sure the boy was his. The father admitted having doubts but initially chose to trust his wife, and he loved his son.
However, when the boy was two, the couple welcomed their daughter, and the man did not doubt her paternity. He noted how she looked like him, had the same blue eyes as him, and he and his family bonded with her faster. He stated:
“I never realized how powerful it is to know a child is yours.”
Without the question of his paternity, the man found it easier to connect with his daughter, and seeing her resemblance to him, he became convinced his son wasn’t his. The man said he tried to treat his children as equals because he saw them as his offspring.
However, soon enough, resentment started setting in against his son, with the man saying: “It felt unfair that I had to care for someone else’s child. I also began to resent my wife because I felt she had betrayed me.” The husband confessed:
“I finally got a paternity test in secret.”
The man was relieved when he discovered the boy was indeed his, and in the few months that followed, the relationship between him, his wife, and his son improved drastically, and he now felt closer to the boy, knowing he was his. He and his wife were so happy when they started discussing having a third child.
However, he confessed to the paternity test because he hated keeping secrets and thought his wife would understand since their son didn’t look like him. Instead of understanding, his wife lost it and asked him if he’d doubted their daughter too; he said he didn’t, and she called him a racist.
A third person felt the husband didn’t consciously believe Black people were less than Whites…
The father of two denied being racist and shared how he didn’t prefer his daughter because of her “whiter features” but because he knew she was his child. His wife accused him of having made their son feel unloved for no reason for years, but he disagreed, saying he’d treated the boy like his own despite his doubts.
The poster’s wife told him she wished to move out with their children after the COVID-19 pandemic quarantine, and a week and a half after the fallout, her husband was still sleeping on their sofa. He hoped she would’ve calmed down, but she was still furious with him for failing to trust her and denying their son because he was darker.
His wife barely spoke to him unless it pertained to the children, leaving the man asking Reddit if he was a bad person for having had doubts. He said he cared for the boy and didn’t understand why the paternity issue was messing up his marriage due to his wife’s overreaction.
How Reddit Users Reacted to the Man’s Story
One Reddit user said the man’s wife wasn’t overreacting because her husband failed to trust her and let his “ignorance” prevent him from bonding with his son. The social media user asked the man what he thought would’ve happened when he had biracial children, as the offspring didn’t always come out mixed.
The person noted how the poster could’ve gotten a child as white as a vampire or as dark as Wesley Snipes. The commenter advised the husband to humble himself and beg his wife for forgiveness and then fix his ignorant thinking because his son would need him, as it wasn’t easy being a Black man in this world.
Someone else felt sorry for the man’s wife and children and thought it was a “nightmare” to trust and marry someone and have children with them, only to discover they were racist. The person revealed his skin crawled at the mention that the man’s family didn’t bond with the boy because he was darker.
The Reddit user said that if the wife stayed with the poster, he would have to do everything to prove he was decent; even more so, that his son never finds out about the test.
Some Reader Comments
Meanwhile, a third person defended the husband, believing he didn’t consciously think Black people were less than Whites, or he wouldn’t have married a Black woman and had children with her. The commenter said the same thing happens to other couples of the same race. The person believed the man’s act wasn’t pushed by skin color but by the lack of resemblance.