Nike Ends Partnership With Megan Rapinoe: “We Paid For a Champion”

Soccer star Megan Rapinoe is returning from the World Cup a broken athlete. The loss to Sweden lies squarely on her after missing an easy penalty shot on an open net.

Her biggest sponsor, woke brand Nike, is so disappointed that they ended their nearly 2-decade relationship with the player.

“We paid for a champion,” said Marketing Director Joe Barron, “but unfortunately those days are over. She was great once. Nobody will forget that.”

Considering she’s also been dropped by the OL Reign, the US Women’s Olympic Team, and the World Coccer Network, that statement may not stand up to the test of time.

“It all started with a Twitter trend,” said ALLOD sports analyst Art Tubolls, “As soon as her name came up and there was video of that shot, it was over. That one dude in Maine started pumping out headlines like crazy. Google showed an uptick in searches for ‘Megan Rapinoe bad,’ which is like writing a blank check for political trolls. Honestly, I’m a bit surprised at the lack of fact-checks.”

It’s true, patriots, we’ve added the obligatory “Punishing Megan Rapinoe” category for the festivities. We don’t see her beating out Jason Aldean, who we still wouldn’t be able to pick out of a lineup had it not been for the dumb song. The gods are looking favorably upon Rapinoe stories, however, and we just sacrificed 2/3rds of a moose up here to keep the ball rolling. There was blood and symbology and possibly some chanting involved.

Luckily, that’s all covered by the 1st Amendment. God Bless America.

Related Posts

As Texas flood deaths climb to 82, critics blame Trump’s cuts to weather services

As floodwaters recede in central Texas, heartbreaking stories continue to emerge from the devastation — and now, blame is being pointed squarely at the top. Both Donald…

Democrats Arrested In Alleged Texas Ballot Harvesting Scheme

A former Democratic Party County Chair in Texas, Juan Manuel Medina, has been indicted alongside eight others in what authorities allege was an illegal vote-harvesting scheme. Medina,…

Fighter Scrambles to Intercept Planes Near Trump’s N.J. Golf Club

A fighter jet was scrambled Saturday afternoon after a civilian aircraft wandered into restricted airspace over Bedminster, New Jersey, where President Donald Trump is spending the holiday…

He’d never flown a rescue mission before. On Day 1, he saved 165…See more

In the midst of the catastrophic floods that ravaged Central Texas, one man became a symbol of hope. Petty Officer Scott Ruskan, on his first-ever mission as…

Miss World Title Crashed And Burned After A Terrible Scandal

Although we tend to think of the past as the “good old days,” a closer examination reveals that it was not without its problems. This included a…

Pope Leo XIV sends the first message after…See more

Last Saturday, June 10, the Vatican was the scene of a remarkable moment in the history of the Catholic Church: the first public message of the new…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *