ABC Declines to Renew Whoopi Goldberg’s Contract: “It’s Time to Move On”

They didn’t fire her. They didn’t cancel her. They didn’t even cancel her show. What ABC did instead, to deal with its neverending Whoopi Goldberg problem, was to simply decline to re-sign her to a new contract. The move will cost Goldberg her lead on a popular show and upwards of $36 million per year in salary and endorsements.

“It’s time to move on,” said Programming Director Joe Barron, “she had a good run..” Barron said the network is constantly inundated with complaints from people who don’t like Goldberg. “Most of them can’t explain why, but it’s their right not to,” he commented.

Goldberg’s manager, Art Tubolls, says the negotiations are far from over and that he expects ABC to offer his client a new contract through 2029. “She is the show,” he said, “who’s gonna run it, Joy Behar? She doesn’t have the star power to do what Whoopi does.”

Barron says Behar isn’t the only option, as freeing up all that cash could net the show two new hosts. “I’ll bet we could get both Alyssa Milano and Kathy Griffin for half of that,” he chuckled. Alyssa Milano ignored our request for comment. Again.

Dear person reviewing this for Adsense for the millionth time: This post is satire. There is nothing dangerous or derogatory about it. Thanks for stopping by.

Related Posts

Chefs Genius Trick for Effortlessly Perfect Hard Boiled Egg Peeling

Hard-boiled eggs are a beloved kitchen staple, celebrated for their versatility, nutritional benefits, and ease of preparation. However, peeling them can often be a frustrating experience, leaving…

This Woman Lost 760 Pounds and Here is What She Looks Like After…

Charity Pierce, a woman who once weighed 763 pounds, has amazed people worldwide with her remarkable weight loss journey.Despite facing numerous obstacles, her determination, along with the…

The Night We Were Saved by a Future Criminal…

My wife and I were returning from a party at 2 AM when our car died in a remote area. There were no mobiles then, so we…

🔴 Tsunami warnings triggered in California and Oregon after 7.0-magnitude earthquake

Cote de Pablo, 51, is showing off her new boyfriend… and you better sit down, because you might recognize him!

After keeping her personal life under wraps for so long, *NCIS* star Cote de Pablo has finally been spotted with her new boyfriend during a romantic night…

Another Area Declares a State of Emergency After the US’s First Severe Bird Flu Case

This is the first instance of bird flu in the United States connected to a backyard flock, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)….

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *