“It’s justice,” said Gaines, “for every little girl who tries her hardest and loses to someone who cheats.” Gaines will put the money into her private foundation for children.

NCAA President Joe Barron says the league is pleased with the outcome and looks forward to moving past the issue.

It’s a true win for Riley Gaines, the little girl who dreamt of standing alone in 5th place rather than next to someone who tied her by cheating. “Riley was never that good,” said Emma Weyent, who actually lost a championship spot to Thomas, “but at least she’s feisty. Maybe with all that money, she’ll be able to buy some more talent and try out for the women’s team again next year.”

The women’s team says it has no intention of signing a little Tomi Lahren wannabe to its roster. “She’s just…you know…no fun to be around. Search “Riley Gaines laughing” and see what you come up with. The poor thing probably needs lots of therapy after her ordeal.

At least she’s got a boatload of fictional cash to start a new life. It’s not how you get there, it’s the arrival that matters. Or something like that. God Bless America.