One of the most difficult things that a parent could ever face is the death of a child. Rachel Whalen happens to be one of those mothers who had a child that passed away tragically. It can be difficult and most of us don’t breach the subject when we have a discussion with those individuals but Rachel decided to step up to the plate. She spoke out about the topic that is uncomfortable for everyone but it teaches us something about compassion that we should all know.

It wasn’t close family members and the personal contact that they provided after the loss of her child that helped her to get through. It was the moments that she experienced at the hospital after Dorothy, her baby girl was stillborn. Now she is sharing her story about those who provided her with a degree of hope when things seem their darkest.

You can’t really count on condolences to help ease the pain of this difficult of a situation. It takes time and support from many others to do so. The network of this mother included nurses at the hospital who provided a type of TLC that all of us would appreciate. When they cared for her in such a kind way, she took to Facebook and described what they did.

“To the nurses, Thank you for saving me. Your skills and your knowledge saved me from following my daughter into death, but it was your compassion that guided me back towards life. The humanity you demonstrated is what brought me back into life; you made it possible to think about living after death. For this, I owe you my love and deepest gratitude.

Thank you to the nurses who always made sure my husband had enough pillows when he had to stay in my hospital room. And thank you to the nurses who let him sneak popsicles from the freezer. You recognized that this was an experience for him and that he also needed your care.”

Sometimes it is difficult to remember that the father is also suffering, even though he didn’t carry the baby. There is much more to saving a life than keeping the physical body from dying. The doctors helped Rachel to get back from a time in her life when she almost passed away but the nurses saved both the mother and the father when all was said and done.

The nurses were her guides, taking her where she needed to be so that her life could be saved on that day.

“Thank you to the nurse who came with me when they rushed me to the ICU from Labor & Delivery. Thank you for being my advocate when I couldn’t speak up because I was too busy fighting for my life. I’m not sure I would have lived to see my daughter if you hadn’t been there.

Thank you to the nurse who taught me how to fill my bra with ice packs when I needed to suppress my milk after my daughter was stillborn. I also want to thank you for holding me as I wept at the burden I could not release. Your embrace did nothing to lighten the heaviness in my breasts, but you brought a glimmer of light into my very dark world.

Thank you to the nurse in the ICU who came in to clean me up after my daughter died. Thank you for taking the time to help me wash my face and brush my hair. I can still sense how it felt to have you smooth my hair back into a ponytail, it was a touch that wasn’t a poke or a prod. It was a gesture.”

It can be difficult to care for yourself when you want nothing more than to disappear from the world. That type of self-care, however, is vitally important when it comes to the healing of an individual. The nurse’s kind gestures helped to fill a role that she needed during that time.

Some people may not talk about a deceased child because it is an uncomfortable subject. The nurses, however, acknowledged what she had gone through and how that little one was such a part of her. One nurse even said her name, which amazed Rachel.

“Thank you to the nurse who crouched by my bedside and asked me about Dorothy. Thank you for knowing how important it was for her to be real even though she was gone. I will never forget the way you leaned in, just like we were friends, and asked: ‘Do you want to tell me about her?’

Thank you to the nurse who dressed my baby and took her picture. Thank you for making sure her hat didn’t cover her eyes and that her hands were positioned so gracefully. That picture means the world to us.

Thank you to the nurses who took the time to read my chart before shift change. I want to thank you for learning our names and learning the name of our daughter before you walked into my room. It meant so much to hear our names spoken together. It made us feel like a family.”

It really doesn’t matter how many times you say ‘I’m sorry’, it is never going to match what a mother has gone through when she loses a child. Sometimes it is a matter of acknowledging what they have gone through and allowing them to experience it so they can recover as quickly as possible.

“Thank you to the nurse who slipped quietly into my room on my first night without Dorothy so that you could hold my hand. Thank you for whispering to me your story about your own child who was born still. Thank you for being the first person to lead me out of the isolation one feels after losing a child. Your presence felt too good to be true. I’m still not convinced I didn’t dream you up just, so I could make it through that first lonely night.

Finally, I want to thank the nurses who saw me through my pregnancy with Dorothy’s little sister. Even after Frances came into the world, you never forgot that someone came before her. You knew that the birth of Frances did not make me a first-time mother. It made me a mother of two.”

The letter was signed, “Gratefully, The One You Brought Back.”